KOI

3 Babatunde Jose Street, Victoria Island, Lagos. | Instagram | Phone

FOLLY: For all that it offers and claims to offer, of which on top of that list is an ex Nobu sushi chef, I have not been adequately whelmed by Koi on any of my visits.

NOSA: “Visits”. In plural. Because we wanted to be really sure before we called it very mid.

FOLLY: The menu has 14 main sections but if I could summarize it’s small bites, salad, maki rolls, sashimi, sushi and tartare, mains, and desserts. We were both really keen on Koi before visiting.

NOSA: The Koi hype machine kicked off when they started doing those “private” parties before they formally opened. Big FOMO move there. Koi is like the Clubhouse of Lagos restaurants.

FOLLY: I immediately wanted to get as many things on their menu especially their signature items that are eponymously named. On one of our visits, but not the most recent one, we also tried their nice but pricy drinks. The drinks are small in volume - very important note.

On the food, Nosa insisted on the bao, though there are many other things on the Koi menu that I’d rather spend N9,000 on than three tiny wagyu bao buns.

NOSA: If the menu has bao on it, I’m ordering it. Sorry, not sorry.

FOLLY: I think Koi is too upscale of a restaurant to serve anything other than perfectly silky, smooth bao with a soft and fluffy interior. While the wagyu short rib was good, yes, just about good, the bao itself was over-proofed and overcooked. We’ve had this bao multiple times and it was consistently mid.

NOSA: I’ve had A LOT better in Lagos. You don’t even have to venture too far, Kewa’s Kitchen makes a better one. By far.

Honestly, this might be the running theme in this review. Koi has things that sound exciting, but every time, there’s always someone else in Lagos that makes a better one at the fraction of the price.

FOLLY: We ordered fewer rolls and sushi on this visit than the previous time because we wanted to also get some mains. For rolls, we tried these:

Spicy Hot Roll

Ura Shrimp Dynamite

Ura Grilled Salmon Skin

Futo Koi

NOSA: They don’t have an extensive selection of rolls either. It’s RSVP-level. Just a heads up.

FOLLY: The spicy hot roll is the one with salmon chunks topped with spicy mayo on top of a plain rice roll. The description makes this sound way more exciting than it is as it is a bit of a logistical challenge to eat it.

NOSA: This is one of those things that looks better in pictures than it actually tastes. It starts exciting but you hit the peak of your marginal utility curve very early.

FOLLY: We said this on Instagram and someone was all up in the comments about how sushi isn’t eaten in bites but all at once. Yawn.

Loved the salmon though.

The Ura Grilled Salmon skin was by far my favourite in this lot. I think that’s because of the saltiness of the crisped salmon skill in the roll. It added a bit of texture to what is usually a mono textured experience - everything in a sushi roll is usually really soft - the fish and the rice.

FOLLY: The Futo Koi roll is truly a product of Ojukokoro (watch the film on Netflix) because it combines white fish, salmon, and crab in a single roll.

NOSA: It’s just a lot of flavour in your mouth at the same time. Definitely not worth the greed.

FOLLY: Not pictured because we didn’t have it on this visit but Koi has fantastic shrimp dynamite that you just want to keep eating but it finishes in a flash because the portion is tiny.

NOSA: The Ura Shrimp Dynamite was my favourite of the lot. This is the one you should order if you do wish to burn your money at Koi.

FOLLY: The thing about Koi is that they only have 5 main menu items - salmon, black cod, yakisoba, wagyu fillet, and wagyu rib eye. On another day, I might have ordered the salmon, but I felt rather noodle-y so I ordered the shrimp yakisoba. I’m actually surprised Nosa didn’t jump at the wagyu because he has a thing about ordering the most expensive item on the menu for science.

NOSA: I probably should have. The yakisoba was an utter disaster.

FOLLY: It was terribly salty like someone had mixed up the teaspoon and tablespoon measurements in the kitchen. We hardly ever send anything back but if I’d eaten this I’d probably have been sick or something from having so much salt.

NOSA: I’ve had damn near the same thing at Izanagi and it wasn’t this bad. Actually, I shouldn’t be calling things “bad”. Maybe the problem is me. The yakisoba at Koi is just not for me. We had to push it back to the kitchen.

FOLLY: I hope they tasted it. In any case, they brought a new one out in no time. It looked a lot paler than the pictures above and the waitress said they took all the oyster sauce out altogether. It tasted sour and I definitely preferred it reheated up for dinner later that day - there’s just something about leftover noodles.

On this final visit to Koi, we definitely ordered fewer things than before and spent less money because we were tired of disappointment.

I still ordered the matcha cheesecake though because I wanted to “check something”. Both times I’ve had this the biscuit base was always frozen, they should sort out the storage on this because it makes it so difficult to eat. I had it packed up and took it home - left it out at room temperature for a little bit and it was softened enough to be enjoyed without needing a knife to cut through a rock-solid biscuit base.

NOSA: I had not too much to complain about this one actually. It wasn’t memorable and I wouldn’t order it again, but it wasn’t the worst.

FOLLY: I’d never had a matcha cheesecake before this one. On this texture, it was very slightly powdery. Taste-wise it was very full-bodied with a nutty sour taste that lingered. I, honestly, wasn’t crazy about it.

NOSA: I wonder why these “high end” restaurants in Lagos even bother with dessert. It’s almost always never any good.

FOLLY: It’s difficult for me to say Koi is about the experience because “what is the experience ?”. It’s an expensive restaurant that you’d want to go to for a special celebration that you feel you should spend a lot of money on because that occasion is the exact type of celebration where one spends money on. That’s simply capitalism, beloved.

NOSA: That’s pretty much where I stand with Koi too. It looks nice in pictures but it’s not worth the money you spend. The cocktails are passable so it’s a half-decent spot to grab drinks after work. I’d rather spend this money at The Observatory. At least, the food there was worth a revisit.

POSTSCRIPT

FOLLY: It’s glam but I’d personally prefer to spend that money elsewhere on better food at another similarly priced “glam” Lagos restaurant.

VERDICT

DAMAGE

Bun Wagyu - N9000

Futo Koi - N5500

Spicy Hot Roll - N4500

Ura Shrimp Dynamite - N4500

Ura Grilled Salmon Skin - N4000

Shrimp Yakisoba - N15000

Matcha Cheesecake - N7500

PRICE RANGE

N15,000 - N35,000

PARKING

Very limited