You ever witness something and go “Ahan, small play? And you’re already vexing.”

That’s how I felt when I heard an irate customer visited the Salt Lagos with MOPOL (Mobile Police, for the uninitiated). Nigerians doing the absolute most is never not funny, but like for everything, there’s a line, and I think pulling up on Salt Lagos with MOPOL might be a step ahead of the line.

According to Salt Lagos, a customer ordered a cake for her friend and wasn’t too pleased with the design. In the customer’s defence, Salt Lagos is absolutely terrible at decorating cakes. A toddler might be better fit for the job sometimes.

As any business with good customer care should do, Salt proffered a solution; she sent an email apologising and also agreed to redecorate the cake. This is where the details become unclear because the other side says Salt Lagos went AWOL for three days before a response came through.

Anyway, the obviously unsatisfied customer asked for a refund but Salt offered to redesign the cake since the dissatisfaction was with the design.

(Ed. note: Ok, maybe bringing MOPOL was justified)

This is where I think the customer crossed the line. The customer, accompanied by a MOPOL officer, went to Salt’s physical space to get a refund.

*Cue: Ahan! Small play? *

It’s quite normal to get into spats; as a customer or as a vendor. Human beings can be difficult and Nigerians’ inborn wahala make it even more difficult. However, it makes me quite uncomfortable that a Nigerian who is (most likely) aware of how trigger-happy these law enforcement agents are would think it was a good idea to do that. 

From her end, she probably felt like she’d been scammed, which is fair. Her camp took to instagram to urge us to not patronise Salt Lagos and called the business fraudulent. 

Yikes.

(Ed. note: It’ll take more than ugly cake to get Salt out of here)

Last I heard, Salt has taken legal action and the customer has taken down all the posts, taken the social account private and apologised to Salt Lagos. It’s a bit hilarious that she had to apologise but Salt sic-ed all the Nigerian vendors on her so I guess she was forced to back down. The PR offensive afterward was also very funny to watch.

Remind me to never offend Salt on the internet. 

Personally, I believe that if you have a problem with the way a vendor executes an order, there are so many ways to handle it and calling the police should the last option. I mean, the Nigerian police; who are aggressive and never held accountable for taking innocent lives. But then again, if someone is moving mad, you might have to respond equally.

Moral of the story: if you want a nice looking cake, just order Sweetspot or Livvy’s Twist.

Other things on the internet

• Millennials are drinking less beer. So beer is becoming more like juice [Vox]

• Public Health France and the National Institute of Cancer announced a national campaign to get people to drink just two glasses per day—and not every day [France24]

• Kwame Onwuachi’s memoir, “Notes From a Young Black Chef,” reveals kitchen abuse at Per Se [Eater]

• New EU Regulations Could Mean Calling Meat-Free Burgers ‘Veggie Discs’ [Munchies]