Years ago, we were warned by scientists that the ozone layer is rapidly deteriorating and that UV rays that are bad news for human skin had started to reach the earth. A few years after that, the icecaps started to melt and now in 2019, the Amazon is on fire. No, not the large corporation, the forest that amounts for 20% of the entire earth's oxygen supply is STILL on fire. 

We humans do not seem to completely grasp the enormity of the situation and continue to go about our lives like the earth is not dying around us. Seeing as we haven’t cracked interplanetary living, I think we should take it a bit, nope a LOT more seriously and actually try to do something. Earlier this year, Prince Charles (yes, the British heir apparent, who we guess is also now a secret climate change expert) spoke emphatically that we have just 18 months to change the course of things before we destroy things past survival. Vegans and vegetarians would tell you that eating meat is contributing to the earth’s rapid deterioration but is it really? I don’t think so, to be honest.

Personally, I think the earth would be fine, especially when humans are completely wiped out and so here’s my advice: let’s enjoy the last 16 months we now have left. 

Eat all the things that make you happy, no matter how unhealthy or expensive. What’s the point in saving anyway? It all won’t matter in less than two years and so to help you along nicely here’s a list of the most delicious things that might be just a *tad* (plenty) unhealthy, or a little too expensive.  

1. Donut Burgers

Though I personally think these are doing too much, I’m not completely averse to trying them. If you want to go out with a bang, this is the burger to go with. It consists of all the things that make up a standard burger: a patty, condiments, and vegetables (to make you feel a little better about consuming so many calories), but the buns are replaced with a donut cut in half and again, doing too much.

2. Ostrich Egg Brunch Plate 

For those of you who enjoy eggs, breakfast, and large quantities of food, this is a good fit for you. Restaurants are cooking up ostrich eggs as part of a huge breakfast plate. Being the largest bird in the world, one ostrich egg is huge and is apparently the equivalent of two dozen chicken eggs. I don’t eat eggs, so this is a hard pass for me. We don’t know of any restaurant in Lagos cooking ostrich eggs but, if you’re San Francisco, Provisional Kitchen got you.

3. The World’s Spiciest Ice Cream

I first came across this phenomenon on my beloved Twitter feed. Known as ‘respiro del Diavolo’ which means Devil’s breath, the world’s spiciest ice cream is apparently 500 times hotter than Tabasco sauce. In case you’re wondering how hot that is, think of blending just ata rodo and drinking it up....it’s way worse than that. The ice cream is made with Carolina Reapers- world’s spiciest peppers in an ice cream parlour in Scotland. Customers who want to try it have to sign a liability waiver and be above 18. Yep, it’s that serious. It’s a little scary but I would try this, my sister has been training me for it all my life with her pepper stew. 

4. Boozy Ice Cream 

Alchohol-infused frozen treats. That’s it. That’s the post. I’m sure that’s enough to convince you. 

There’s a place called Tipsy Scoop in New York that's popular for these, but thankfully you don’t have to travel halfway around the world to have boozy ice cream. There are several recipes online that teaches how to do this. Go on, try it. I know you want to. 

5. Candy Floss Burrito

This is a dessert that is basically made with multiple scoops of ice cream, topped with sprinkles, cereal, candy and then wrapped in folds of cotton candy- pretty much like a sugary burrito. It sounds awful right? If your answer to that question was no, then either your inner child is still very much intact or you have a massive sweet tooth. Either way, it won't hurt (I think) to try it.

Can I pretend I just realised that most of the things on this list involve ice cream? Yes I can. If you still can’t see what I'm telling you, let me spell it out: The world is ending soon, eat all the ice cream you can. And all the food you always wanted to try? try it now (if they are within your reach of course). There’s also the list of the grossest things people eat if that’s what rocks your boat.

My point is like Nike says: Just do it!